Our Love Is Our Only Sin
by Hotarukunn
Summary: Kamio didn't know how it happened, but it did none the less. Ryoma/Kamio. Mentionings of Ryoga/Atobe & Sengoku/Shinji/Wakato


**Our Love Is Our Only Sin**

_The night I lost my eye was a cold autumn night. The sky was cloudy and there was winter hanging in the air.  
I don't really know what exactly happened, as I have trouble recalling it. Maybe because I don't_ want _to think of it, my mind has repressed the memory.  
__What happened, you might wonder? I will tell you what I know, but since I don't know everything, I can't tell you everything.  
__Sounds reasonable? Well, either way, you'll have to deal with it. Because, as I said, I can't––– Wait, I sound like Shinji. I should just get started with the story, instead of ramble.  
__Right, sorry._

I had just been at Shinji's house, we'd watched a movie with his little sisters, some Disney or another. Or maybe it wasn't. There was music in it, anyway.  
Then we'd managed to get the girls into bed, though Shinji told me – again – that they'd probably sneak out of bed later.  
We went back downstairs none the less, and was going to watch some other movie  
(I was supposed to stay the night, see. I'll come to why I didn't soon)  
and had just gotten through the opening credits of it when the door-bell rang. I think it got us both a bit irritated, because I know I was, and Shinji didn't sound too happy either. (I remember it was a horror-movie. He loves horror more then you'd think.)  
Anyway.  
It turned out to be Wakato from Jyousei Shonan. _And_ that creep Sengoku.  
Shinji got happy (I think) and of _course_ he'd let them into the house. That guy's _way_ too nice for his own good, I tell you.  
Though maybe I am too. I dunno.  
So we continued to watch the movie (was it _Merry Go Round_ or something like that?) but damn those three! So annoying.  
I understand that they want to snuggle and stuff, but _please_ not in front of the kids! Or something, I'm not a child. But Shinji's sister's are. They should think of them from time to time, too. Kh!

So I left.

Yeah, I know. It was stupid and I shouldn't have done that. (Considering the type of neighborhood me and Shinji live in) But now I did.

I remember walking down the street Shinji's house is at, and I remember passing the grocery store. I can recall (although not clearly) some sort of a scurry, and that I was scared. After that, I didn't remember anything for a long time.

* * *

Once Kamio regained consciousness, he felt disoriented, he didn't recognize his surroundings at first. After a while, however, his mind cleared and he recognized the room as his own. When he sat up, he felt pains in his whole body, everywhere. And Kamio realized that; while the bangs over his left eye usually only striped his sight, it was completely black. He lifted his bangs, but he still couldn't see. This made him stumble to his feet and into the bathroom to look into the mirror.  
The reason for the darkness was a wound. Or several, that littered that space right by and over his eye.  
He felt his legs give in and he fell down onto the floor with a cry erupting from his lips. _What the hell..? !_ He could feel the confusion grow stronger, building up like a bruising fire within him. It welled up and it was as if a wall broke, causing tears to flow from the unhurt eye. Kamio curled up on the floor, silently crying until he fell asleep.

* * *

Kamio shot up in his bed, blindly fumbling over the wall for the lamp-button. When his fingers touched cold plastic and light flooded the room, a wave of relief washed over him and he slumped back against his pillow. The nightmares had plagued his mind since that day. He didn't remember the dreams, but they still scared him numb.  
Ever since then, he had felt...empty, somewhat. He didn't know why, but he did. As if he had... lost something. Something important. But what?

He lay on his bed, staring up at the bare ceiling and trying not to think about it. But he was still curious.

* * *

It was almost a month ago, now. He hadn't told his friends and team-mates about it, because what would he say? Besides, the wounds had healed nicely (so nicely that the doctor were surprised) and now, there were only a few thin scars visible, even though the eyeball never would heal and he couldn't open the eye. He didn't want to wear an eye-patch, because he didn't want them to wonder or worry. So he pretended that he'd gotten the flu, during the week (or maybe it was two?) that he had to stay home.  
There was nothing weird with his tennis, he just felt somewhat rusty. So they didn't notice. Hopefully.

Tomorrow, there was a practice-game with Seigaku. So if he wanted to be in form, he needed to sleep. But he was scared of sleeping. But he needed to sleep. But he was scared–– _no, don't sound like Shinji now! Augh!_ He rubbed his fingers over his temples and sighed. "For the moment, let's just go to the toilet..."

He stood up and made his way to the bathroom. He could feel his legs shaking, a bodily reaction of the nightmare.  
"Why'm I so weak?" he muttered as he stared into the mirror. His only eye stared back at him as gray as ever, and he backed away and sat down on the toilet. "I'm such a coward..."  
He stood up again and turned on the water, cupped his hands and let the water fill them. The coldness that hit his hands, then his face, it made his mind clearer and enabled him to push away the thoughts about the dreams. He felt as if he wouldn't be able to sleep all night, because he was not tired at all.

* * *

Kamio caught himself with almost falling asleep while he observed the match between Shinji and Fuji. It wasn't that it wasn't interesting, Shinji seemed to actually be at least some challenge for the Seigaku-tensai. He'd improved a lot, Shinji.  
But still, he was so damn tired. Not sleeping properly for almost a month took it's toll, he supposed.

He leaned back against the fence around the courts with a sigh. He'd almost won this time. Kaidoh had gotten strong, no doubt about it, but so had he as well. And even though he himself felt drained and slightly feint, he didn't want to blame his loss on that.  
He looked up when he saw a pair of shoes (or rather one and a half, as his field of vision was disturbed) and was faced with one Echizen Ryoma.  
"What?" Kamio grumbled and looked away.  
"What's wrong with your eye?"  
The question made him whip around and stare at the younger boy. "W-what are you––"  
"There's something wrong, since you seemed to have a blind spot on your left during your play." Ryoma said, calmly observing as Kamio looked around to see if anyone had heard them.  
"Echizen, there's nothing wro–" He was cut off by the stern expression in the younger boy's eyes. "I– well..." Kamio hesitated, then swallowed. "Do I have to tell you? I haven't told anyone from my team and why do you even ask? Why do you care?" The questions was dripping of suspicion, and he glared at the cat-eyed boy. "How'll I know you're not just trying to get under my skin?"  
An eyebrow raised and Ryoma tilted his head to the side. "Why would I do that? And I'm asking because I want to know."  
Kamio was saved by Momoshiro (damn how he hated him, but he couldn't help but feel relieved when the idiot bastard called out for Ryoma that they were leaving) and he could return to the club-house and change into his school-uniform.  
He left his training-clothes there and made his way back to his home, turning down the offer to hang out at Tachibana-san's house (which probably shocked the others but he was just too tired.) He was glad to be out of people's (Ryoma's) questioning gazes, and that was why he got so irritated once he saw Seigaku's bratling leaning against the low wall by Kamio's house.  
"Why the hell're you here? !" he bursted, stalking up to Ryoma.  
Ryoma pulled down his cap to hide his eyes. "I want to know," he said. "why you're off."  
"I'm not off!" Kamio growled and strode past Ryoma into his house. He kicked off his shoes and decided to ignore the fact that Ryoma was following him. He walked through the house, and up the stairs, into his room. There, he dumped his bag by the desk and sat down on the chair in front of it. A glare was sent to Ryoma when the younger sat down on the unmade bed.

From the corner of his eye, Kamio could see Ryoma look around, taking in his surroundings.  
"I thought it'd be messier." the raven stated calmly, then stood and walked over to Kamio. He stood in front of him, placed his hands on his shoulders. When Kamio glared up at him and tried to shrug him off, the grip tightened and Ryoma stared him in the eye.  
Then suddenly, a hand was softly brushing his bangs to the side. Kamio pulled back and kicked, missing, but forcing Ryoma to back away. But it was already too late. He'd already seen.  
"I–I––" Kamio's face flushed in shame, and he turned away his head when Ryoma once more stepped close.  
"What happened?" Ryoma asked. Kamio could practically _hear_ the frown in the boy's voice. He shook his head. "I don't know."  
Ryoma frowned deeper and Kamio crossed his arms. "I don't get why you have to know, it's nothing that matter to y–––! ?"

His protests were silenced by a pair of lips against his, and his eye widened in shock.  
Kamio gave Ryoma a hard shove and the younger hit the floor. Ryoma stared up at him.  
"Wha–what the hell are you doing, you bastard? !" Kamio shouted and stepped backwards. His back hit the wall. "Why did you do that? !"  
"Because.." Ryoma pulled down his cap again, this time to hide the blush that spread over his face. "..you don't have to know.." He stood up.  
"You _kissed_ me! You can't go tellin' me I don't need to know!"  
Ryoma fidgeted where he stood and took a deep breath. When he looked up into Kamio's eyes, his face was beet-red. "Because I kind of.. like you.."  
"You... What?" Kamio gaped and stared at the younger teen. "Like me..?"  
"Yeah.." Ryoma nodded and fingered his cap. Kamio wondered _when did he take it off?_ and when he saw Ryoma smile at him, he felt his heart skip a beat. _Why did...?  
_"So um.." When Ryoma once more spoke, Kamio's head snapped up in attention. "..would you mind dating me?"  
"Okay, why not." _WaitwhatdidIjustsay? !_ Kamio's eye widened when he realized that he, just like that, had accepted.  
His heart started to race at a rapid speed when Ryoma smiled once more, and then his body moved on it's own accord. He was pressing Ryoma down on the bed a split second later, lips locked with the cat-like boy's. They rolled over and Ryoma sat up and smiled for the third time within a range of fifteen minutes.  
It felt weird, seeing Ryoma, who almost never smiled, especially not that type of really happy smile, smile. But it didn't feel bad, on the contrary, the smile made Kamio feel light-headed and dizzy, a somewhat very pleasant feeling. Ryoma leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Dad's gonna go crazy.." Ryoma mumbled. Kamio, who lay curled around him, made a questioning sound. "Did you know I have a brother?"  
"No, I didn't." Kamio shook his head. "I thought you were an only-child."

"Technically." Ryoma replied. "Ryoga is _only_ adopted, though he looks too much like me to be completely unrelated."  
"Heeh.. So is he older or younger?"  
"Older." Ryoma rolled around and stretched, giving Kamio a soft kiss. "He got thrown out, when dad found out that he's dating another guy."  
"Eh? He is?" Kamio blinked and raised onto his elbows.  
"Atobe." Ryoma stated and Kamio sat up. "Atobe? ! Of all––– Atobe? _That_ Atobe? !"  
"_That_ Atobe." Ryoma confirmed. He wrapped an arm around Kamio and draped himself over him. "So telling dad wouldn't be that good."  
"Then don't." Kamio said. "Is your brother managing? And does Atobe's parents know?"  
"He does, lives in an apartment and works at.. I actually think he's assistant coach at Hyotei at the moment. And they don't know. You think they'd be happy about it? Atobe's parent's want heirs, right?"  
"How annoying. Must be difficult to be son to that Atobe-whatever he is."  
Ryoma nodded and buried his face in the crook of Kamio's neck. "But dad want heirs too, so I dunno. Now that he don't have Ryoga to get kids to take on the name of 'samurai'." He sighed. "Would your parents mind?"  
"Don't think so. They _say_ they don't care who I date, but maybe they won't like it that I'm dating another guy."  
"Hmm.." Ryoma pressed closer and took a deep breath, savoring Kamio's scent. He let out a low, happy sigh.

* * *

"...can't sleep.." Kamio rolled around and stared up at the ceiling. He sat up and stepped out of the bed. He quickly got dressed, an immense urge of needing to see Ryoma hitting him. When he headed out the door, he realized how cold it was. It was becoming winter, and maybe – but just maybe – it would snow.

He'd been going out with Ryoma for three weeks now, and when their respective teams found out – through Kikumaru, who saw them one day after school – there was a lot of commotion around it, especially Momoshiro had been loud – being Ryoma's best friend and somewhat Kamio's rival.  
He's never been to Ryoma's house more than once, a time when Nanjiroh had been gone at a rare opportunity. He had been shown around and Kamio had marveled over how different the Echizen-house was from his own.

When he dropped down from the wall around the house Ryoma lived in, the leaves under his feet gave a low rustle. He crept around the house and hid behind a couple of bushes. The court and temple-grounds were empty, he could see Ryoma through the boy's bedroom window, and he waited to see if he could locate Ryoma's parents. Well, he couldn't see them. He picked up his phone from the jacket-pocket he had put it in and quickly wrote and sent the mail. _Look out, will ya?  
_Ryoma slipped out of the window and disappeared from sight, then showed up again just as Kamio stumbled out from the bushes. Kamio waved and grinned, Ryoma opened the window.  
"Why're you here?" Ryoma asked, an unsaid 'idiot' being heard in his tone of voice.  
"Dunno." Kamio shrugged. "I've been thinking," he continued as he started to climb a tree that stood outside and close to Ryoma's window. "maybe it would've been easier if one of us'd been a girl."  
"If one of us was, we wouldn't have met." Ryoma pointed out and smirked as Kamio's face flushed red when he ended up face to face with Ryoma. Ryoma backed away from the window to let Kamio inside the room. "We-well.. I suppose..."  
"You 'suppose'? If I'd been a girl, dad wouldn't have brought me to Japan to join Seigaku's _boy_ tennis team. I would've still been in America."  
"And be eating western breakfast every morning." Kamio grinned and pulled Ryoma onto the bed and on top of him.  
"But I love Japanese food." Ryoma muttered, and Kamio snickered when he saw that special pout that was so typical of Ryoma. "I know." He pressed a kiss to Ryoma's lips and snuggled close. When he felt Ryoma's lips at his neck and a hand tugging at the waistband to his pants, he yelped. "Hey!"  
"Ssshh!" Ryoma hissed warningly and they both held their breaths and listened for any sign of being heard, then continued to breathe when they didn't hear anything.  
"Why're you doing that? !" Kamio shout-whispered and grabbed Ryoma's t-shirt.  
Ryoma smiled and Kamio blushed.

"Kamio, you know something?"  
Kamio turned his head to look at Ryoma. "Hm?"  
"You're not a virgin. Not even before now."  
"Eh? !" Kamio's eye widened in and he stared at Ryoma in shock. "But I haven't..." He fell silent and stared right through Ryoma, without seeing.

_Pain. So much pain. Pain that wouldn't stop._

His pain caught in his throat and he curled up, shivered when he felt Ryoma's arms around him, whimpered when Ryoma pressed lips to his hair, clutched to Ryoma with wide eyes.

* * *

"_I wish I didn't remember.."_

"_Is it my fault?"_

"_How could it be?"_

"_Because–"_

"_It's not your fault."_

"_Sorry."_

"_I said it's not your fault."_

* * *

I'll never forget what I managed to remember that night. And if I'd been by myself and not dating Ryoma, I don't think I'd gotten through. But now that time has passed – nine whole years – and we live together, I feel safe. The nightmares do appear, but not often. Because I have Ryoma with me.

And you know that movie?  
We watched it again, me and Ryoma, Shinji, Sengoku and Wakato.  
It's not called _Merry Go Round_, but _Dead Go Round_, and it's fucking creepy.

* * *

_The End

* * *

_

This was written for school, the English B-course. I realized I'd not published it, and I did give out teacher a copy not long ago. Anyways, we were supposed to do something with Shakespeare's balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet, and while there's not much of it in here... It's there. I didn't want to just write the balcony scene, and this just... happened.. ^^;  
Besides that, I've seen Dead Go Round, it's creepy. I like clowns even less now.


End file.
